Thursday Night from Hell

Here is the tale of my Thursday night, it is not pleasant and not savoury. 

It all started on Wednesday when I get a harmless request from an acquaintance (you'll see later why this is an acquaintance and not a friend) to pick her up from a night out in the neighboring town of Ipswich late on thursday.

So at 12.00am local time I drive off to Ipswich to collect said person. She is escorted to my car by another as she is very well intoxicated and can hardly walk!! So she gets into my car and off we go for the return trip to the middle of nowhere. A mile down the road I am to stop to allow her to empty her stomach of some fluid and this became a regular occurrence on the way home. I think in total I stopped 14 times. Now this person lives in the middle of nowhere so I get to the village and she has no idea where her house is!! She can hardly talk and by this time I am a little ticked off as I have sick in my car and it's 1.30am. 

After driving down country roads numerous times we turn up a track where she "thinks" she lives. Every house we come to i ask if this is the house and she replies with "don't know, don't care!". Helpful. So we finally decide on a house and i turn into the drive. Stop the car and help her out. She proceeds to fall over and I lift her back up. She then says we have to cross this moat to get to her part of the house. So over a muddy moat we cross. During this time she falls over twice. Over the otherside of this moat is a garage and I'm pretty sure at this point, that she does not live in a garage. So we turn back and head to the main house. Now this is no ordinary house. This is a house in the suffolk countryside with it's own Moat!! We walk round the house to the front door when she decides this is not in fact where she lives. I forgot to mention there are also geese and chickens around the car which i failed to spot due to darkness but soon realised they were there by the noise they made. So i get her back into the car as fast i can for fear of being shot at by a crazy aristocrat.  We reverse out the drive and i decide to take her back to my house and there was no way we were going to find hers!

It is now 2.00am and after several more sick stops I get her into the house and up the stairs to the bathroom where she expels more alcohol and refuses to budge. I then try and get her into the spare room. This I do and at about 2.45am manage to get to bed myself. All is fine and dandy you think to yourself. Until 3.30am that is......

I'm awoken by a drunk person opening my bedroom door and shutting it behind her. I sit up and ask if she's ok and she has no idea where she is. I have to get up and take her back to her bed. So at about 3.45am i return to my bed. At 4.00am i hear all the cupboards being opened in the room next to me and lay there wondering to myself "what the hell is she doing". Think nothing of it. At 4.30am i hear a pssssssss noise. I get up, knock on the door, ask if she is ok and enter. What do I find? Well a very drunk person urinating in the middle of my spare room. By this time it is too late to stop her and suggest she get in bed. I finally get to bed properly at 4.30am and then get up again at 6.30am. 

Friday morning....

I  have to drive her to middle of nowhere and miracles of all miracles she's remembered where she lives. And by the way it was NOT the house we almost entered during the night. I have then had to work 13 hours and return home to mop up urine and discover she had puked on my nice white linen duvet cover. 

Several morals to this story - Alcohol is wrong, if not for yourself for those who have to care for you. The second thing i have learnt is that maybe the people who passed by in the story of the good samaritan may well of been onto something!